Feeling extremely introspective today…. Time to start writing out these thoughts and see where they take me.
- Today, and this probably has something to do with it being MLK day (may he rest in peace, what an amazing man, a true American hero…), but I really have a sense that I want to change the world; that God wants to use me to change the world. Normally these thoughts are too grandiose for my pessimistic mind: “who, me? Change the world?” They’re just a little bit too out of reach for me—I prefer to be more level-headed in my estimations of my own abilities. “I am going to be way more humble, I could never have a great effect on the world. I’m not a natural born leader.” Justin, why don’t you be more humble, and realize that God may actually want to use you for His purposes. ‘Humble? But I am humble! I’m extremely humble, that’s why I believe God could never use me for some grand purpose!”
See what I mean (actually you might not, now that I think about it, above may have been extremely confusing for you. Let me explain: that was just a conversation between two parts of me. Hopefully, that explanation helps, and here comes some more clarification) …
Maybe in my pessimistic, self-humiliation, I’m not allowing God to use me exactly the way he wants to… time to trust in Him, and surrender my shallow, faithless, vain, life to Him. That way I may actually be of SOME USE.
I think sometimes my pessimism, cynicism… my so called REALISTIC view of life, humanity and their respective problems of vanity, greed, decay, WORLDLINESS (just to name a FEW), tend to get in the way of trusting God and allowing Him to change me, in order that he may actually, possibly, CHANGE this polluted world….
Okaaaaay, so point taken: allow God to use me…. But what’s he going to use? I have nothing to offer…
Yes, exactly Justin. You have nothing to offer. But, and not to toot my horn (actually I don’t think I’m about to toot horn, what I am about to share are probably more weaknesses than strengths), maybe I’m a bit more cynical and pessimistic than the average person for a reason. Some strange, weird reason. Maybe my sweet sentiments about the terrifying reality of man, (if you don’t quite understand how man can be so greedy and terrifying, I just watched the movie, Inside Job. It’s a stunning documentary, about the collapse of our economy, and as result the rest of the world. In summary: it could’ve been prevented…) are actually meant to inspire me to change the world.
Maybe now that I think of it, I love spending time with children, because through them I get a chance to look at humanity, without it’s glaring faults. Maybe I’m hoping that I can somehow inspire this next generation to not be greedy, selfish, and irresponsible….
I want the world to be different. I hate how whenever I look around me, the first thing I look for are the negatives.
Maybe I need to trust in man more. Or maybe I need to trust in A MAN. I need to trust in God.
He’s our only hope.
God, only you can change the world. I want to help. How can I help?
For His glory,
With utmost sincerity,
a Willing, Undeserving Servant.
